magic

Rudy | The “Fly Agaric”

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No Rudy saga is complete with the science behind how reindeer overcome gravity.

Media truth is hard to come by these days. Today’s content will rely on the world’s renowned purveyor of fact, the British Broadcasting Company, aka the BBC. *

Discover how Rudy and his species take flight, often with humans in tow.

*Hoof-Note: The BBC’s reputation for sticking to news that ‘has legs’ survived the sullen skeptics who denounced “Spaghetti-Harvest in Ticino” as Italian/Swiss propaganda. Did you notice the use of the hyphen?

We’ve Been Framed

When did words get redefined?

Class warfare.

When did this cease to be associated with Junior HIgh? And become associated with the rich vs the poor? Speaking of that, look at the placement of the words. If it were poor vs rich, would that bring to mind pitchforks, tiki torches and barricades?

However, to keep it rich vs poor is preferable. At least that lets us know who the bullies are.

Job Creators.

This is sneaky. The push to replace the words ‘wealthy’ and ‘rich’ with ‘job creators’ is an exercise in the power of propaganda. It serves a dual purpose, too. Evangelicals can place a subliminal emphasis on ‘creators’ and most assuredly capitalize the ‘c’ making it an official link to that Guy, the Creator!

This is so chilling that I think it’s time to revive Tevye’s conversation with his Creator in Fiddler On The Roof: “If I Were A Rich Man.”

Let’s play with it, with apologies to Sheldon Harnick and Jerry Bock

“Dear Bush, you made many, many poor people.

I realize, of course, that it’s no shame to be poor.

But it’s no great honor either!

So, what would have been so terrible if I could pay the rent?”

If I were a job creator,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.

If I were a job creator.

I wouldn’t have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were my baddy baddy job,

Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle creator.

I’d buy that big fat House with Representatives by the dozen,

Right in the middle of the beltway.

A fine domed roof with real regressive brains below.

There would be one long loophole just going up,

And one even longer coming down,

And a gigantic earmark going nowhere, just for dough.

I’d fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks

To keep the Tea Party near.

(Insert)Squawking just as noisily as they can. (End Insert)

With each loud “cheep” “swaqwk” “honk” “quack”

Would land like a trumpet on the ear,

As if to say “Here lives the job creator.”

If I were a job creator,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.

If I were a job creator.

I wouldn’t have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were my baddy baddy job,

Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle creator.

I’d see my wives and mistresses, looking so fine

With proper botox’d chins.

Shopping to their hearts’ delight.

I see them, noses in the air and strutting like peacocks.

Oy, what a happy moods they’re in.

Screaming at undocumented workers, day and night.

The vulture capitalists in town would come to call on me!

They would ask me to advise them,

Like a Solomon or Goldman Saks.

“If you please, Mr. Creator…”

“Pardon me, Mr. Creator….”

Posing problems that would cross a banker’s eyes!

And it won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.

When you’re a job creator, they think you really know!

If I were a job creator, I’d have the time that I lack

To play on the golf course all day.

My club would be the Capitol mall.

I’d cook the books with the lawyered men, several hours every day.

That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a job creator,

Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.

All day long I’d biddy biddy bum.

If I were a job creator.

I wouldn’t have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were my baddy baddy job,

Idle-diddle-daidle-daidle creator.

Aesop who wrote the Ass in the Lion’s Skin,

You decreed Fine clothes may disguise,

But silly words disclose the fools.

By the time they realize they’ve been wrong

That I’ve been stealing from them all along.

They’ll come knocking at my door

But alas, I’ve taken my job creations offshore

Conservative, libertarian and the lot

I’d rather see the people rot.

If I were a job creator. I’m glad I’m not.