Moveable Beasts

Either I am losing my mind or I have a personal poltergeist. Zeitgeist or poltergeist? I don’t care who moved my cheese. Where are my car keys?


Until I looked it up, I thought Bluetooth was invented by Soupy Sales, infant terrible of the 1970s who was kicked off the air for telling kids to purloin cash from their parents’ wallets and forward the ill-gotten gains to him. His White Fang and Black Tooth pets, were hands and forearms without bodies. Only voices. So, when Bluetooth came along, I assumed someone in my age range [and of the engineering persuasion] had a sense of humor.

They did. Norse humor.

The Norwegian corporation, Ericsson came up with the technology. “The name ‘Bluetooth’ comes from the 10th century Danish King Harald Blåtand or Harold Bluetooth. King Blåtand was instrumental in taming feuding factions in lands that are now Norway, Sweden and Denmark. So, Bluetooth technology was created as an open standard to allow connectivity and collaboration between disparate products and industries.” Not unlike hairy Norsemen, PCß and Apple.

I hope that the technology will include ‘where’s my bluetooth’ app soon. No bigger than my pinkie finger or a besotted tomato worm, I take it out of my ear for fear that the microwaves will damage my brain. Too late. I never remember where I put it. Or, it crawls away on its own. I only find it after I’ve ordered another off the Internet.

The Toilet Paper Caper

Before the bathrooms got remodeled, the roll of toilet paper was encased in a miniature, arched recess, within reach of the toilet. It was always a good idea to replace the roll before it surrendered its last sheet. A courtesy, as I’ve ruined many a manicure trying to separate the crescent roll construction of the hollow cardboard tube. Now, courtesy has left the building. The little recess was covered up in the last remodel. Toilet paper now resides atop a weighted stand, much like a microphone stand for little people, Nothing wrong with this, except that jokesters in my family never leave the utility in the same place. It wanders just out of reach of the toilet. Sometimes, it has left the room.

The Telephone

It weighed about five pounds and sat like Darth Vader’s headpiece on a stack of Yellow Pages and phone books. The three-foot chord eliminated the possibility of a private conversation — hence the low divorce rate in the 1950s. But, in the 1960a, along comes the Princess Phone and all hell broke loose. However, we still could find the phone, without having to call it from another of the same species. Then, cordless and now the mobile phone. I suggest a better name than ‘cell’ or ‘mobile’ as it’s closest relatively on the evolutionary tree is “remote.”

The universe is expanding. Everything is becoming remote.

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